Isn’t sharing supposed to make you feel better?

It’s come to my attention that I’ve been letting people dictate big chunks of my life far too much, in that trying to do what others see fit or what others would like comes in the way of actually stopping to think about what I want to damn do. And it’s been a source of distress far more than I’ve realized. When I realize what I would have wanted to do, it’s often too late to do it. And no one bears the costs but me.

The Roads (Certain?)

Yesterday?
The paths were laid
Paths from the peak, there were
Mountains in heaven
And mountains greater

The sky is no clearer than in heaven

Today.
The summit?
As it was, in my mind
A trap.
As it was, where I truly stood

I look up,
The summit.
King of peaks
And a single road to traverse.

I hear the
Laughter.

I’ve never dreamt bigger. It has just slipped. I’ve come to have a lot of regrets along the way as well.

If I’m to dream big again, and somehow let it slip, again, this time, I will leave no room for regret.

Attention / Devolution

In the flurry
(I reach to the right)

Onto the expressway

And I’m out, I slide
Into the desert, dust cloud
Sandstorm
I’m in a jungle
Was,

That a dream?
Teach me how to draw
The line between materials, sense
And a million false galaxies

Onto the expressway

And I’m out,

Onto the,

End
Start,
And, Start

Man is still an Animal

Man, as far as I can tell, will always be limited by its being an animal. In a biological sense, man truly is, given its anatomy and physiology, and what it needs in order to grow and survive. What is also clear is how man is differentiated from other members of the animal kingdom. And it all, of course, has to do with the mind. This is the mind that leads to man taking charge of his environment, subduing it, with the intent to. Other species are stuck in the process of only being able to adapt to the surroundings, and man has become large enough to take an active part in this. I end here, this is all known.

I’ll take it a notch further, by saying that the mind (partly) exists on a realm of its own. This is a world of assumptions, of prejudice, of the abstract ways in which elements come together aesthetically, which are all man-made constructs. Take man away, and, all things constant, these cease to exist. That, too, is not projected to change anytime soon. As such, I believe that as the realm of the mind expands, it begins to mess with reality, hence influencing our actions. We can find evidence in a lot of instances, as in the aforementioned prejudice. But now, I stated partly, as I’d say that majority of the mind’s function still lies on a need-based system: responding to what the animal wants, and, unlike others, finding innovative solutions to delivering said wants. Despite my tone, I do not doubt any one bit the goodness that has come out of our responses to wants and needs. 

But then, the limit, as I said, is in man’s not being exempt from things subjected to other animals. You take the mind away, or, more realistically, give it reason to throw rationality out the window, and you are an animal. Further responses may lack a humanistic “why?” and may be replaced with one truly primal characteristic: instinct. Evolution has not erased traces of it; we are thus not fully safe from making dangerous choices. I thus jump to my own experience: 

Sometimes, I just snap. Post-evaluation has led to me believe that I see, in these instances, the border between the thinker and the beast. Emotion takes the driver’s seat: while it is still human, it is less so, in the rational sense of the word. 

Here, I would’ve then equated unfiltered rage to being “animalistic”, but I am not so sure. Cheers. 

12/2/13 – M

Second of December

Depression continues

This is getting silly.

11/21/13 – Th (and 3 weeks past)

The past 3 weeks have been some of the saddest, for me. I don’t think anyone knows how depressed I’ve been. Actually, I’m pretty sure no one does. Whether that’s for better or for worse is beyond me. 

I would’ve believed myself to be very capable of warding these feelings away, as they rarely come, more so last any longer than a day or 2. The case feels much more different now, and I don’t see an end to the spell.

The universe is relentless. Is it on a mission to wreck me in some way? For quite some time, I’ve stopped subscribing to that belief, but whatever defenses I’ve crafted for myself seem to be cracking. I’m at least optimistic that I won’t 

10/29/13 – T

I’d like to believe discrimination begins when we presuppose things about people, on the basis of accounts. Based on my experience, these accounts rarely are firsthand. At the same time, firsthand accounts can have biases, and can be subject to our own interpretations. In my head, the credibility of any of these is dampened by the idea that our experiences of people vary, and we all tend to act differently among different people to an extent. 

I’ve also observed that we tend to quickly believe in, and somewhat crave for, controversial stories (tabloids remain in business). This characteristic is what provides the fuel for rumors. And, like diseases, they seem to spread rapidly, to people you would not expect to catch on to them. Hence, rumors are a social disease. And, again like diseases, they can wreak havoc on people’s lives. 

Combining these two, I have a general description of many situations I’ve encountered, some of which I have unfortunately figured myself in. These are situations where we speculate on the beings of individuals, with accounts sometimes the sole basis, and form a collective opinion for these individuals, which generally turn out to be destructive.  This is, without true knowledge of the individual. In an extreme way (and it happens), without ever having exchanged words. 

Dreamland

They are out to rest
Dichotomies (however temporary) are made
Between soul and body
Where the former takes Life 
In some approximation of Humanity
(A Question on Free Will is then asked)

When these Lives are taken on
Do they co-exist
On some abstract plane, unfathomable? 
Elusive to any attempts of physical grasping? 

Do we meet somewhere? 

I rise, we rise
Does Life then cease?

(Back to Humanity)